The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize