He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
