he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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