Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
