Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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