How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
