I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
