He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
