im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
