I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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