I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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