Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize