i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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