At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
