It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
