I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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