oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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