i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
