as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
