Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
