If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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