Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
