i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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