I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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