i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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