he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
