it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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