On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
