the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
