does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
