p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
