I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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