I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
