also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
