Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
