Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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