all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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