Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
