similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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