There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
