Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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