I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
