the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
