did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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