I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do herpes really smell.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
