none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
