His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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