woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
