Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
