Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize