Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
