Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
