you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
