I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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