Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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