If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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