So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
