i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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