CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
handjob tips. give me some.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
