my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All the doctor said was why
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize