Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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