I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
