They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
