I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
