i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize