I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
