Whatcha textin bout Willis?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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