We're facebook friends in real life
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
