How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
