Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
